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Sunday, November 1, 2015

Depression,Heartache and How Not To Give Up : A Real Story

Depression and How to Overcome It

Sensitive young people often find it very,very tough to get through depression.To be honest,I have had minor experiences of depression as a child as young as seven or eight years of age.Well,I remember I saw the psychiatrist once or twice then and luckily,he did not prescribe medication perhaps because I was too young and the case was really minor.
But,I remember it was TERRIBLE.After this,I re-experienced something of that sort when I was 14 and 15 and this time they were comparatively less tough to deal with.I figured out my capabilities,used them to make the most of my life and I got serious about my academics.YES,I NEVER WAS SERIOUS OR SOMETHING EVEN CLOSE TO SERIOUS BEFORE I WAS 14 YEARS OLD.I think I acquired all my knowledge,at least of what I know now in around 2 and a half years.

(Photograph Source)

I have a certain imbalance in me,which I realise now and never have realised in the past.I have a dualism in terms of ability.I have the ability of cognitive thinking,which is more of an ability than maturity.Maturity has relations to age.But I am so terribly impractical about most practical decisions and have always been so.This might be effects of adolescence,I don't deny; but I also feel that this is somehow a distinct case as well.
Another attribute is imaginative skills.The more you have it,the more prone you are to such sickness.I remember times I have cried my heart out,not slept for a minute at night but they have a role to play with my understanding of the world,as well.I have always believed not to accentuate feelings into narrow human creed but to diversify what you feel,be it sorrow,be it loneliness,be it anything else.These concepts intrigued me to study the concepts of war before anything else.Then I started thinking about the possible causes of war and figured out it was inequality.I got drawn to the society because I sort of had an understanding that there was something very wrong with it.

I have struggled in the past with so many things in so many ways and a lot of people who know me from my blog will not believe that I was one of the most soft natured people you would find in a while.It took time,it took experience and that was NOT anything close to EASY.

I decided to write this post because often,during my hard times,when I have browsed the internet,there was either some help for kids or help for adults.Adolescent help sites where all terrible and they could rather talk to 3 year olds than young adults.

For kids as young as six,seven or eight,I do not know the solution because you are not supposed to have any experience or any subsequent understanding at all but adolescents,young adults do.The first step is,realise this : IF THIS IS REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS,THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.There are TV shows,media and everyone else emphasising on love and relationships.Have you ever wondered why?This is sort of a propaganda that you can't recognise and perhaps many of you will call me a cynical economics student but this is an attempt to hide the rest of the picture from you.And YES,it IS.
But what about the emotions?They are crazy tough to manage,as per as I know.You might feel anxious,devastated and get extremely weak.Keep in mind,they cannot harm you until you let them penetrate.The first step is,get rid of harmful objects from around you.Sit down and talk loudly if necessary.Don't force and convince yourself.Communicate with yourself.Calmly.Openly.

Who said crying is a sign of exhibiting weakness?Boys don't cry.Only girls and gays cry.That is not true.Everybody cries.Some express it and some do not.A tough person,at least on the outside is someone who breaks down to himself and only to his or her closest people.If you can't express this to others,it is certainly tougher.But,trust me,you will get over it.This is a phase,this phase might last for 40 more years altering intensity from time to time or might last for 4 more hours.Whatever duration it is,it is very likely,very,very likely that you will recover.You can cry if you need to.Do it wherever and whenever you are comfortable.Use all the words you need to (but do not do this in public) and this will certainly,somehow get over before you even know it.

For your sake,DON'T LISTEN TO DEPRESSIVE MUSIC.THIS IS THE WORST MISTAKE YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE.Music has a strong impact on everyone in the world and this involves animals as well,why not the 'superior' human beings.Don't do this.Listen to inspiring songs,songs that speak of hope,songs that speak of people,songs that are legendary,not necessarily romantic songs.For heaven's sake (if heaven exists),avoid Nirvana,avoid love songs.Nirvana is a very good source of grunge but grunge itself is sort of a symbol of darkness,depression.So,you better avoid such sources of music or genres like heavy metal or may be much psychedelia in music.You could brush up such skills later,be pragmatic when you are not able to cope up with as much pain as you are having to.

STOP PAYING A VISIT TO CYNICAL PSYCHIATRISTS/PSYCHOLOGISTS.There are too many of them out there.There are even teenagers trying out their hands at counselling thinking that you are a guinea pig or something and you do not have to visit every website telling them all your experiences.Try professional helplines.If you find them PRAGMATIC,better read blog posts,especially of those who have recovered from depression.This is not unusual in this globalised world,if someone tells that you are sick because you are paying a visit to "doctor s who treat mad people",yes,you are but the person saying this is the one who needs to get sent to the psychiatry department of the nearest medical help centre.Mental sickness is a sickness very similar in nature to common cold or flu.It gets over with time and if necessary,medication.

I have met 2 psychiatrists (To be honest,this is more so because both my parents are doctors.I have had Omiprazole even in case of a tiny,little stomachache everytime. 1 when I was 5 years old perhaps and the other when I was 14 years old.)and 1 adolescent psychologist friend of my mother's out of whom I figured myself to be the most successful of them all.You see,you are the saviour.You are who can pull yourself up.It might seem impossible but you certainly will do this.And I am not getting individualist but nobody else can help you more than you about your psychology,at least.The adolescent psychologist,for example did not know how to talk.You ought to have something calming about you if you are in this profession.She was more of a 
not-so-knowledgable-not-so-convincing chatterbox.And the other psychiatrist I met up with I think needs drugs himself.He claimed that I was more than average intelligent but pressurised me to cough it out if I had any boyfriend issues and at that time,I was scared of exams and scared of a sick and idiotic person I knew and I did not know what on earth were boyfriends.I was feeling embarrassed and the more I stopped speaking,the more came upon me his overwhelming,discomforting words.But I made it.And when I had my virtual friend forsaking me a week,A WEEK before my board exams.I thought I would loose.I felt like I was not going to sit for the exams but now I realise that in this world,there is nothing aboslute.I somehow pulled myself up,crying every single day in those 30 days within my exams.I used to do some self-counselling every night before the exam and talk to myself AS LOUDLY AS I COULD.Not to mention my scores in the exams I was worried about.

So,it is much better that you rely on cases where people have overcome this problem of theirs.Also,somewhere in their life,everyone experiences depression.Not a very big deal.

If this is about anything else than exam phobia,relationships or something disturbing that had happened in your life or does not have roots or has roots but you cannot find it out,SEEK HELP.THIS IS WHERE THE REAL PROBLEM STARTS.

How Not To Give Up If You Have A Broken Virtual Connection To Deal With

This is going to be a very different post from what I usually write.Of course,as you can guess,only the sufferer knows how it is to suffer.No blaming game,here.I would not share full experiences as a publicity stunt but I would post something that might definitely help others,especially,young people.
First things first.Dare not think the world is over for you.Okay,there would be absolutely infinite number of things crowding your mind claiming that the otherwise could have happened,that would have been so much better,you would run to the friend right now and claim everything or anything similar.DO NOT GIVE WAY to such thoughts.You have to realise who is gone is gone and most of they themselves do not consider their existence to be REAL in YOUR life.This might be so,so hurtful.You might start thinking you will never recover but in 99.99% of the cases,you will.
Look back for a while.And think what was the issue that resulted in the ending of things.There is no harm in breaking down but be careful with people you want to share this with.Do not let everyone around you know everything about you just because you are in a weakened state of mind.In my case,I have always been kind of PRINCIPLED which was,as I believe now,one of the best things that I have had in me.If THIS is the reason,or something like this is the reason,you should rejoice.This is so because this proves you did not incline towards the other side of the line,you still are on the side that is RIGHT.

Look for other reasons that might be causing you trouble.This might be the changing season,literally or the loss of someone prior to this or just a hollow sort of feeling that plays through you when you are extremely thoughtful.I would not say do not give way.Rather,talk to someone about it if you can.If you can't (I could not),don't think you will never recover.Have faith,you will.

Be pragmatic.You might have a feeling to slam the author when you read that you have to be pragmatic while experiencing heartache but this is the only way you are supposed to get to see the logical end of things.Your 'friend' might have told you "Please do not forget me" or crazily,"Please forget me and move on" but either way,does it prove that THEY wanted to stay?NO.IT DOES NOT.It is just a better way of saying,"Bugger off.It's over!"

According to psychiatrists and psychologists,there is the SAME heartache in the loss of both real and virtual connections.So,if you think the pain is too overwhelming and you can't take the pressure anymore,consult someone.DO NOT LEAVE IT AT THAT if you think you are not strong enough to deal with it.It is better to express it to an adolescent counsellor but if you cannot talk to someone like that,talk to an elder and NOT YOUR FRIEND because someone elder to you and close to you (like your aunt,uncle or parents) are more mature than you.You like it or not,they know better than you since they are more experienced.If you find elders conservative,seek the help of a psychologist.(Rather avoid psychiatrists because they talk about immediate medication.)

You might be physically feeling sick out of heartache.You might have chestpain,breathelessness,loss of appetite,insomnia and such issues.Generally,this is not supposed to be severe in young age but if you are not feeling alright,seek some medical help.

The Kübler-Ross model postulates that there are five stages of grief after the loss of a 
loved-one: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.I would say denial is the toughest.This is when your brain refuses to believe what has happened is true and you feel like the world is over or has turned upside down.Fortunately,that is not the case.The case is your mind and body subject to emotional trauma.You might feel like you will seriously never be able to get over this or be in another relationship,fortunately or unfortunately,that is not the case,either.Gradually,with time,you will get over this and have an urge to be in a relationship again.This is human nature.
Also,psychology is not computer programmed.You might experience these stages at a time.For myself,I experienced a combination of both denial and depression AT A TIME! It was crazy,it was terrible,I felt like I would stop studying after graduation and join some media house as a journalist.LOL.Okay,yes but now I realise your brain can fool you sometimes.You don't have to give up.

DON'T AVOID HIM.TALK NORMALLY.DON'T PRESSURISE YOURSELF.JUST LET EVERYTHING STICK MORE TO NORMAL THAN OTHERWISE.AVOID HIS FAVOURITE SONGS AND POEMS.AVOID THE CONCEPT OF HIM.DON'T KEEP LISTENING TO MUSIC THAT TALK ABOUT BROKEN HEARTS.Urgh,it is irritating to watch yourself like that.Don't do any of that,these will get you weaker.After a while,you will be able to listen to the same music for the sake of music but for now,stay away.Do not think if he told you he will remember you forever but has to move on to something new.If he REALLY does have feelings,he will REFUSE to accept ANYONE ELSE in the context of moving on which is sadly NOT the case with most of these FLINGS.

Do not curse yourself.The adolescent psyche is itself kind of strange.You can't feel like you are a child but you can't feel like you are an adult and you are neither,so the transition is not very easy.Most teenagers feel directionless on such issues but a little thoughtfulness and insight will solve it.Take it easy and if you can't then indulge yourself to something else.Like,STUDY HARDER (think of the time you've wasted!),PLAY MUSIC,WATCH your favourite shows,just do anything you like and things you are supposed to conventionally keep up with.

The question of maturity is important.I will be frank here.I have a very strange psychological imbalance.I have better skills to analyse things or write up things or problem solving skills in case of conventional tasks and public speaking/blog writing/writing aligned approaches.I can understand wars or calculus or Greek thinkers better than I can understand people.I do not have the necessary skills to analyse how true people are or how to get along with things like that.I understand least aggregative costing,I do not understand beahavioural approach much.Also,I am like a big ZERO in terms of practical thinking.

There are trolls everywhere on the planet wearing fake masks who stimulate your feelings for their own satisfaction.You do not have to bear anything for them.I do have some principles I do not think I will ever dump but mostly,I still am a kid.I realise this now.I do not know nearly ANYTHING about connection and communication more than the psychological part.So,if you are one wretched piece manufactured like me,don't worry,rather thank this world that immature people still exist.That is why there is still innocence in here.

When You Are Quite Stable

Do not try to convince yourself ALL OF IT WAS BAD.In most cases,it was not.There must have been something constructive she/he had had given you.Let that live.Only let go of what is gone.When you are this stable,I am very sure there is nothing on the planet that can bother you like things used to but the constructiveness you had extracted,let that live.It might inspire you on to the next level.
I am not sure of how much use this article really is but I hope it helps someone who has been in trouble.That is the only way the content will find some success.It was so tough to write down all that because I am not very expressive and that about my own life.But I wrote this partially because I wanted to watch myself pour everything down and I wanted someone to be helped with the right kind of information.I have been honest throughout the article and I really,really hope this helps.Thanks to everyone for reading this.

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  1. Some recall bad experiences or thoughts easier than good enriching thoughts, perhaps a researcher somewhere knows why...

    my typo's :-O

  2. Hi Paul,yeah,that is human psychology.It is weirder than anything else,ANYTHING else on the planet.

    1. Not really madam.Astronomy covers more than human psychology I guess :)

    2. LOL.Hmmm,point.

      We are all made of stardust.Take control!


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