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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

All That Comes To Mind (26) : Relationships (ENFP-INTP) and MBTI Analysis Part-2

When I first saw him,it was long ago.Sometime in late summer.I was impressed,somehow and then at night,he came up and initiated an online conversation.INTPs are extremely bad at striking conversations and especially if they like the person.I think we talked on my future goals,in particular and then I showed my Economics project to him.That was weird.But that is exactly how you should understand that an INTP is interested to talk to you.We love academics.We love study material.We love philosophy and we hate small talk.
Thankfully,the ENFP hates small talk,too.And there is hardly any time we would spend for that.We usually have got loads of interesting things to do but with minute differences.For the ENFP,'interesting' necessarily means both social gatherings and quality alone time.For the INTP,it means a lot of time to ponder over your thoughts,to explore your mind.

So,then - for the next few months,I did not even utter a word about my feelings towards him.I was sure that I really liked him,I regularly checked his posts,shared them,occasionally even debated with him regarding a thing or two.We seldom talked.The gap was often a matter of months but we were obvious of our presence.So,even though I did not know him very well,his presence mattered,even then.By the time he himself initiated a deep conversation,I had developed something more than just liking him.I knew,I just wouldn't express.It took us around three entire days to make a proposal (you heard it right,it was both of us who did) and when we did,it was the weirdest thing I had ever observed and been a part of.But right from the beginning,I knew this was 'something else'.I had had crushes and mild somethings over people in the past.But this was something else.As days passed,I realised and continue to realise how true that is.I had never imagined that in my lifetime,I would really come to know how to love a person.A complete person.And now that I do and realise the meaning of commitment everyday,I can tell you it is one of the most beautiful feelings ever and in turn,makes me feel complete,safe,gathered - things that have always scared my haphazard,deep mind.

(Photographed by Elinor Erwitt ; Photograph Source)

This is something I want to share with the world (not contrary to almost everything that I have wanted to share with the world) and I have said this before,that perceptual people are the only people who can build meaningful relationships.Judgement is not the tool.I have gone through several posts claiming ISTJs or INFJs as the right partner to ENFPs.But I can guarantee you that you got two months in a row and the whimsicality of the ENFP will make you say something filthy,which will instigate the ENFP's short temper,which will intensify the mess because judgementals quarrel.And there is no exception to that law.
In order to understand the ENFP,you need to hold your calm.A relationship would mean that you evidently will loose your calm at points.But remember,when he first met you,he gave you a Maths book! When he was sorry,he sent 29 texts and apologised and promised to protect you from this dangerous world.Just hold on and remember.
One very big issue with the NF-NT combination is that both are intelligent,ENFPs possess great emotional intelligence (but are very childish) and all that links to people whereas INTPs possess analytical intelligence and a great deal of it.The problem is,the moment the ENFP goes off for some reason and doesn't want to be bothered about it - the NT mind starts calculating probabilities.And it turns into a huge mess,a very huge one especially for the INTP.You need to understand that the ENFP sometimes will evidently shut themselves off from the world.He will perhaps not stop talking to his lover but he will limit it to sharing the necessary,occasionally mentioning long-term goals.This might prove to be very confusing for an NT mind,especially a strongly built one.But it only means you have to give him his necessary bit of lonely time.ENFP personality types are complex.There is no doubts about that and that is the very reason why you cannot solve the entire puzzle,good news is this keeps the INTP mind from getting bored.Even though I have read in almost every MBTI website that INTPs are very flighty,they are very committed once they have discovered who their true person is.The same applies for ENFPs.They might have had lots of crushes before but once they find someone quiet,deep,intelligent - they are bound to be intensely committed,too.

The ENFP mind is highly emotional,too.This is the very reason why all that is happening around them impacts them so much.It indeed is a tough job for anyone to ever fully comfort an ENFP when they are depressed because ENFPs have a certain fear about sympathy or at least it's external expression.The narcissus element is valid in every ENFP.This is something important and is worthy noting down.If you are not ready to murder ego,a relationship with an ENFP will not be possible.
The Schizoid element is evident among INTPs,making this world look dangerously scary to them very often.The only thing that you're supposed to do is make a schedule (even if you hate schedules) and try to stick to it,more or less.NT minds,especially introverted NT minds are seldom 'normal'.All NT types that I know are terribly weird people popular in their workplace or university as 'genius' or 'weirdo' or 'sociopath',all of which are very true.Now,I myself do not know any female NT type apart from myself! Female NTs are very rare and it is worth considering that INTPs will not find much noble female company (my close women friends are all NFs).INTPs do not fit the gender role,at least the gender role proposed by the society.They would love intensely,they would stay committed but they are very unlikely to give up their excellence and very unlikely to respond to commands,they hate commands.This is what separates them from the definition of a so called ideal woman.Also,INTPs are prone to a number of mental illnesses,I find myself on the Schizotypal side of things when under extreme pressure.What I can advise you to do (what my ENFP guy usually advises) is to write all your feelings down somewhere when you feel like the world is over.Since you are best at thinking,think positive.Make yourself a cup of coffee,sit on the porch or rooftop,listen to some sane music (do not listen to very serious psychedelic/grunge/rock music) and do your daily job.When you are feeling really,really low,say at 02:40 a.m,tell him that you love him.The world should be a different place.

Relationships with male ENFPs will not be easy,I can assure you that.There will be frequent roller coaster through highs and lows and you have to learn to live amidst that.The high frequency of the vibrant roller coaster ride certainly means the relationship is fine,that things are as they were meant to be.ENFPs are deeply committed to intellectual,loving females (none of us are exceptions ; NF,NT types are usually sapiosexual,more or less) and if you can just maintain your calm,that's it - there is nothing else to be said.

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