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Monday, May 22, 2017

A Call To Introverts Worldwide : Guest Article by Nemesis Color

(And more often than not,it is all yellow! 😛)

Introversion…it’s NOT something to feel ‘sorry’ about.

I decided to write this for all my fellow introverts out there and for extrovert relatives, friends and peers who might be interested in understanding a few things about introversion.
There are many web sources on introversion and most psychologists are finally recognizing introversion for what it is…and no longer as a subtle type of ‘sickness’. 
However, most people out there still have introversion ingrained to their brains as a form of pathology.
‘’There’s something wrong with my daughter. She’s always too shy and closed off and she rarely hangs out with kids of her age’’.
‘’I’d invite Katie too but she rarely goes to parties and when she does she leaves too early’’.
‘’Why don’t you socialize more with your friends? You spend a bit too much time in your room’’. 
‘’How can you even sit at a café all alone? You’ll look like a weirdo you know’’. 

‘’My first son is such a lively creature, always out there playing, having fun, socializing and hardworking too. My second son…not so much. He’d rather play video games and take hikes than hang out with other guys and he’s more lethargic’’. 
These examples are all taken from real life situations. None is exaggerated. These things are what introverts might hear not just once or twice but even up to every single day of their lifetime. 
Being an introvert myself and living in a highly extroverted country with extroverted culture and a majority of extroverts , I hear stuff like this approximately every few days.
Last week my mother and I had some work to do in a neighboring town. Once we got there a friend of my mother’s came to see us at a local café. So, she and my mother started chatting. And one of the conversation topics was about the daughter of one of their friends. 
They spent at least 15 minutes just talking about this girl and how she was living her life but most of those minutes were spent with them commenting on this girl’s qualities. Those qualities included her being very social, cheerful, charming, outgoing, always smiling at everyone she sees and very expressive.
Overall...the very top ideal kind of woman for our culture’s standards. Most comments were made by the other woman but the point is the same.
Not only do extroverts have a certain stereotype which is always perpetuated by society’s stereotypes but they also have this annoying habit of (mostly unconsciously), shaming introverts for being who they are all the time. 
This type of conversation has happened in front of me MILLIONS of times during my lifetime. And I can only imagine how other introverts might experience this too.
People need to quit shaming others for who they are.
Nothing is wrong with your kid. You just need to train yourself to accept all of your kids as they are and cherish them the same, instead of picking favorites and deciding to ‘mold’ your other kid to be the way your favorite is. 
Nothing is wrong with your best friend. She/he is simply not like you. So, unless you’re some sort of narcissist, I don’t see why you’d think everyone around should be like you or that if they’re not, there’s something ‘’wrong’’ with them. 
Your idea of ‘fun’ is just that. Yours. It doesn’t have to sit well with me. I am under no obligation to do what you do for fun or have fun just because I’m supposed to. I’m under no obligation to smile to anyone I meet…or even at all.  And not smiling doesn’t mean I’m depressed or angry at you. It just means that some of us do not find it very easy to express feelings and expressions the way you do. That’s not pathological. It’s natural and a common trait among many people around you. 
If it’s not right for us to shame you every time you’re way too feely or loud or overly sensitive, why is it okay for you to shame us for being the opposite? 

Dear parents of introverts. 
Instead of acting like your kid is someone worthy of your pity, try accepting them for what they are, learn more about their personality and treat them with genuine respect and love. Judging them for who they are is only going to alienate them from you. Don’t, even for a single minute, think that your kid will grow up around people who consciously or unconsciously shame them for their nature, and will ever feel comfortable talking with you in depth, sharing things about their life, confide in you or even trust you for anything complicated. Your kid will learn from an early point of their childhood, that the very family that is supposed to cherish it and accept it, judges and mistreats it…and that is not going to end well.
Throwing puns at them in an effort to make them resemble the image of the ‘’ideal kid’’, is not going to turn them into that kid.  It’s only going to turn you into an untrustworthy and judgmental parent.
And finally…dear introverts.
It’s time for you to learn to assert your introversion. It’s time for you to quit acting like extroverts and people pleasers when people around  you can’t even see or appreciate your efforts.
Let’s face it.  As long as you act like an extrovert among extroverts, nobody will ever have the chance to know that you’re an introvert who acts like that just to please them. Nobody will detect your hard work or praise you for it. And when they finally learn that you are an introvert their reactions will be incredulous. 
‘’Are you serious? You don’t seem like one…are you sure about it?’’. 
And there goes the cycle of being doubted by your peers for finally exposing who you really are. Good luck convincing everyone around you now that you don’t really like going out to clubs and it’s not just something you do because you dislike the ones who invited you. 
Good luck trying to persuade people around you that you really can’t stand parties…and not the party hosts or that you didn’t suddenly turn into a ‘’hermit’’ because something tragic happened to you.

You don’t have to be aggressive or rude in order to assert your true character. All you have to do is to be honest and clear about it, without backing down whenever someone shames you for it or hiding things out of fear of not pleasing others.
Accept your introversion, educate yourself on it, own it… proud of it. 
Be the one to defend it before anyone else. Don’t let people think they can treat you like a freak because you’re different. Don’t let the media or people around you define your ‘condition’ on their terms. You’re the one who knows about your introversion more than anyone else. And you are the one who is going to define it, not them. 

With love…by an fellow introvert 😊 

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  1. Lovely post, Titas. Being an introvert myself, I can deeply relate to your post and have been through similar treatment from the society at times. Yet, I channelize my energies into things that I do best, like travelling and exploring.
    I love your blog, it gives me so many new things to learn.
    Keep writing :)
    regards, Prateexit

    1. Hi Prateexit,
      This post is written by guest author 'Nemesis Color'. I am an introvert myself,so I too know how good this piece feels! Thank You,it is you who we write for.



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